Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Wearin' your bells & whistles!

This past weekend was the "big" 24th of July celebration in my hometown, Monticello. So I packed up & headed down south for the weekend. To explain a little about being from a small town... here's the deal, everyone talks.. everyone looks or watches.. & everyone loves a good rumor! Moving on.. I had promised my BF, Kenneth, that I would come & make an appearance for the 24th with him. He had exclaimed lets show up, "wearin' our bells & whistles!" We love to give them something to talk about, so most often, we dress to the hilt just to "drag main" or whatever other small town events we may be going to.. Lol.  If you know me at all, you know, Im never on time, always fashionably late whether I want to be or not, so as always,  pulling in to town late, I was throwin on my clothes & make up in the car when my mom looks over at me & says "you're wearing that?!" I reply, "of course I am... you dont like it?" She says, "well everyone will be watching you thats for sure"  in her more serious voice. I laughed & said, mom you need to lighten up a bit, youre getting so serious in your old age! ;) We need to laugh & have fun, who cares if we're a bit late, not a big deal & who cares what people think about my outfit, Im not worried about it, so neither should you.." Well just you know, I got that statement from her about 4 more times throughout the weekend.. "your wearing that?!" My response, "I promised Kenneth I'd show up with my bells & whistles on.. & these high heels are my bells!" 
I found it quite entertaining, but more seriously just as I explained to my mother..  I realized when it was I began to "not care" what people thought, assumed or said about me, started the day I moved out of my house & temple marriage a few years back. Then more so after I got pregnant with my daughter London & my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with us or marriage any longer. Then a bit more after I started dating a man, many thought was a bad choice given his circumstance, past & "red flags" .. well I wanted to make my own call after getting to know him rather. Then a lil more after I lost my job, my break up & struggles in life had fallen apart all at the same time.  I have realized it doesn't matter what people say or think about you honestly. The trick is .. remembering this during those hard times. If you are happy with yourself & who you are & the ones you love, the rest.. doesn't really matter. Going through struggles the past couple years, I've heard many different things being said or assumed & I can't think of one that was really accurate or true. Reality is, most have no clue what they're actually talking about, therefore you cant let it affect or change who you are or feel everyday. I guess I grew a hard, somewhat stubborn skin through my trials over the past few years. Im ok with that because I realized if Im giving life my best right now, today, regardless of mistakes or loss in the past & am happy with who I am, how I look, dress or am living then that's what truly matters. I feel Im a good person with a big heart.. which sometimes gets me in to trouble & often makes me care more than I should or sometimes makes me feel its impossible to let go until I've made things right, but mostly it represents who I am.  I am completely ok with who I am & even who Im not.  There will always be people making assumptions about you or your choices & what they think youre doing, but that doesn't matter cause more likely than not, they dont really know.  We can't live our lives letting others opinions of us bring us down.  I believe if you stop watching, assuming or making judgements on others & rather start listening & actually "hearing" what they may or may not be saying, you might understand them better. Lets be better people & stop assuming things about others, stop listening to things being said or making our own judgments. If you really care about someone & the way they may or may not be living their lives, talk to them. Show them that you "care", believe what it is they are saying & if you dont, then pretend to & be thoughtful & supportive regardless. Be more empathetic & observant to friends, family or even strangers. Its not our place to judge or make calls on someones life, & most importantly, keep smiling & dont let it stress or bring you down. What others believe or think, is not important, whats important is YOU & what you feel & know about yourself. Ive learned this the hard way, but always seems the minute I stop letting other people affect me, the happier I am. Like I said to my mom, lets stop being so serious all the time & laugh together more, dont let the lil things bother or discourage you. Our time here is priceless, so enjoy the ones you love, the moments you share & even the heartache without the added worry of others opinions or expectations of you. No one is perfect, but everyone IS important. Dont be the person adding to someone else's pain or problem, be better, even silent at times & learn more by not only listening, but actually "hearing." 
That bein' said, I'll share some less serious stuff & the fun I had this weekend. By the end of my trip, my mom was even making more of an effort to not worry so much about others opinions & the things we can't control... she was actually laughing & joking right along side Kenneth & I !

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